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Christmas tree picking in the woods and lessons learned (pics)


So I really haven’t been in the spirit of the season like normal. Tree up the weekend after thanksgiving and all kinds of lights blah blah.

So today i went to find a real tree because I cant be bothered with the fake tree.

My lower back yard (all the crap was there when we got the land that’s clean compared to day one)

Finally after an hour of debating and looking and remembering the only commandment I received before setting out on my search for Canaan ” dont get a Charlie Brown tree”

I found one I felt was perfect. and wouldn’t have roots 4 feet wide (please please please!)

Fifteen minutes of digging I realize I was HORRIBLY WRONG on root size estimating.
Another five minutes and 3 feet I finally find the bottom and pry it upwards as I grab my trusty machete and skillfully like a surgeon sliced it free from the earths mighty grip with a huff and puff (then some hacking and coughing damn I need to quite smoking and get back to the gym) I released it from its confines.

After this I realized that damn artificial tree was looking easier and easier even though only quarter of the branches still have there color codes on them the rest is a crap shoot why do I get all these “bright”  ideas.

So after freeing it from the bondage of the southern red clay I went to place it in the pot, The pot I just now remembered I left on the top of the freaking hill an hour ago because I was just going to “look around”.

I dredged my way back up the side of the hill with the Mighty southern pine draping from my massive bulging shoulders (at least this is how I saw in my mind thank God no one helped so there would be photographic evidence to prove other wise)!

Upon reaching the apex massive steep hill I cast the mighty southern pine from my bosoms down toward the earth and grab the pot to go fill it with dirt. I trek my way back down the dangerous and uneven terrain to the spot I ripped the mighty pine from and filled the pale with dirt.

I fed the shovel handle through the yoo-hoo buckets handles and carried it as and Egyptian would blocks for the pyramids over head up steep mountains showing mighty strength that is unsurpassed my few.

I then planted the Might massively tall southern pine and looked upon it and prayed it continue its strength and said IT IS GOOD! Only to be told by the wife it looks a little charlie brown ish but its nice completely deflating all the rippling muscles that I just made burst forth. Thanks dear!


I have a knack for creative writing.

I will NEVER do this again either I will buy it potted or im cutting the damn thing down.

Southern pine all look like a charlie brown trees.

THERE IS NOTHING LIKE GETTING YOUR OWN TREE this was my first time and I loved even though the fake would have ended up being easier .

That fake tree would have been so much easier!

I hope you actually read all of this or you missed a good laugh

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Marsha permalink
    17/01/2011 18:20

    You do have a knack for writing. I hope your poor deflated muskels have made it back by now. LOL Good one!

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